Infidelity or Something Else?
“My ability to form genuine romantic connections with more than one man was undeniable and I refused to be contained any longer.”
When Love Hurts
I can still remember the first bout of guilt which tried to consume me. I had finally admitted to myself that just after one year of marriage to Stefan, I was deeply in love with a guy from the office. Josh was 6, 1, with an athletic build. He was intelligent, funny and unbelievably sensitive. My desire to spend time with him just grew and grew.
Strangely enough, this budding relationship never once changed the feelings I had for my husband. I was very much in love with Stefan. After all, he was gentle, creative and artistic. During the day I fed my desire for Josh but every afternoon I eagerly sprinted home to be in the presence of my adoring husband.
As the months rolled by my feelings for both men strengthened. Their varying types of love that they offered satisfied me as a woman. Was I subconsciously building the perfect man as my best friend suggested? At this point, my desire for sexual intimacy with Josh peaked but I dared not give in to this desire.
My religious beliefs forbid me from forming this type of romantic relationship outside of the confines of marriage. Often, I would sit and envision Sister Mary throwing the Holy Book and hitting me clear at the back of my head.
But how could something which feels so natural, be so bad?
Think Like a Nutritionist
In my line of work, my main aim is to help my clients achieve a healthier balanced diet which feeds their physical self. A balance diet consists of more than one category of food to do our physical bodies strong. Nutrients that we just can’t get from one type of food.
So why then was I fooling myself into believing it is natural to be mentally or emotionally fulfilled by one partner. Don’t get me wrong, I was surrounded by close friends who claimed to be totally satisfied and in total bliss for numerous years. That was their cup of tea and I was elated for them but, from where I stood monogamy just seemed more and more unnatural and unrealistic to me.
The Awakening
Being the true scientist, I googled- ‘Cheating’, ‘Is loving more than one person wrong?
These all led me to the term polyamorous. Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the consent of all people involved. My revelation came not a moment too soon. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could contain my feelings. My ability to form genuine romantic connections with more than one man was undeniable and I refused to be contained any longer- after all, love was a beautiful thing.
I could feel a rush of adrenaline surged through me – “Honey, we need to talk.”
Submitted by: Natasha Holf
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